Originally published on Black Rifle Coffee
Denver, CO – According to researchers at the Institute of Sexual Health in Denver, drinking black coffee has been found to offer a variety of benefits to both men and women during sexual activity. The double blind study, which looked at more than 3,786 women and 4,125 men over the course of five years, is being lauded as one of the most significant breakthroughs in sexual health since the invention of the lambskin condom in the 15th century.
Since the press conference releasing the study’s findings, coffee sales have skyrocketed and adult actors and actresses have been signing up for subscription coffee services to fuel their busy days on set. Dani Delicious, an adult actress who is known for her proclivity towards pizza deliverymen, said, “I used to think snorting a line of coke before my scenes was the only way to truly get ready, but now I skip that and go straight for a pot of coffee. You have to be safe though, I drank two full pots of coffee before a big scene last week, and literally broke a guys dick off. It was really gruesome, but he was also kind of a pussy so I’m not entirely sure it was the coffee that did it…”
Dr. Miles Sanders, the lead researcher in the effort, said, “We set out to explore the veracity of aphrodisiacs on the body, and went through many of the old standbys like seafood and chocolate. It wasn’t until we hit black coffee that we truly made a breakthrough. Once the participants hit the three-cup threshold, they turned into what we came to call ‘sex zombies’ with an insatiable appetite for sexual contact.”
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